Kohlrabi Baked with Ham, Bavarian Potato Dumplings, and Poached Celery

So this was an unexpectedly tasty meal. Poached celery? Kohlrabi? Potato dumplings? On their own, they sound pretty bland but they all worked well together. It also helped that a good amount of butter was involved. Butter is good.

Kohlrabi Baked with Ham

4 tbsp butter

4 kohlrabi, peeled and diced. I used three because I thought it would be enough but after peeling, there isn't a lot of actual fiber. Also, did you know that it gets its name from the German word for cabbage "kohl" and turnip "rabi"? Interesante!

8 oz thick ham, diced. I used sandwich meat because, honestly, I already had it in my basket for the Chicken Theresa. Then I went to the deli to get ham for this recipe but there was some lady at the counter, ordering like a bazillion different meats, and I was over it. I was RBFing all over that deli!

2 tbsps chopped parsley

There's a sauce

3 egg yolks

1 cup double cream. I ran out of double cream so I used sour cream and it was fine.

2 tbsps plain flour

Pinch of mace

S&P to taste

Preheat the oven to 350. Melt the butter in a large pan and cook the kohlrabi for 8-10 minutes. Hey, be adventurous, cook it for 11 minutes. Arrange half of the kohlrabi at the bottom of a greased casserole dish, top with ham and parsley, and finish with remaining kohlrabi. Beat the sauce ingredients together and pour over the kohlrabi and ham. Bake for 30-35 minutes. Serve hot.

Bavarian Potato Dumplings

Real conversation with my husband:

Me: Isn't Bavaria, like, Germany?

Husband: Bavaria is a state in Germany. Hitler had a home there.

Me: I didn't ask for a history lesson!

3 lbs potatoes, peeled. I used half a pound because I didn't need that many dumplings.

2/3 cup semolina. I thought I had semolina so I didn't buy any but when getting my ingredients together, I realized I didn't. So I didn't use semolina and I made a mental note to look through my pantry before getting my grocery list together.

1 cup wholemeal flour. "Wholemeal" is non-American speak for "Whole Wheat" thanks Google!

1/4 tsp nutmeg

2 tbsps sunflower oil. No sunflower oil so I used sesame.

2 thin white bread slices, crusts removed, cubed. We only eat whole wheat bread because we're elitists so I couldn't make my own and the only croutons I could find at the store were either seasoned or came in a bag of like two pounds so I didn't include this in my dumplings.

6 1/4 cups beef stock. Um, I used maybe two because I wasn't making dumplings to feed an army.

Ground black pepper

Parsley and bacon to garnish

Cook the potatoes in a large pan of boiling, salted water, for 20 minutes. Drain well, then mash and press through a sieve into a bowl. Add the semolina, flour, salt, a little pepper, and the nutmeg. Mix well. Fry the cubes of bread until light golden brown. Drain on a paper towel. Divide the potato mixture into 24 balls (um, no, I made ten). Press a few of the fried croutons into each dumpling. Bring the stock to a boil, add the dumplings, and cook for five minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and serve with parsley, bacon, and the recipe calls for a jug of butter. A JUG OF BUTTER. Hope you don't have high cholesterol.

 Poached Celery

4 celery hearts. I used one. It's celery! I wasn't taking chances.

2 tbsp butter

1 cup dry wine. I like to use the four packs of wine for cooking. Each bottle is 187 ml and perfect for single dishes!

S&P to taste

1 tbsp chopped parley. I didn't use this.

Grated cheese. I used Swiss, because that's what I had, but the recipe calls for a harder cheese.

Clean the celery and trim the ends. Really clean the celery because unless you're eating organic celery, celery is one of the most pesticide and dirt laden vegetables out there. Everything pools at the bottom so you want to make sure you scrub the crap out of it, literally. Cut the hearts half lengthways. Blanch the celery in a pan of boiling salted water for 5 minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water. Pat dry. Melt the butter in a frying pan and gently cook for 1-2 minutes. I cooked mine in the bacon fat left over from the dumplings. Pour in the wine and bring to a boil; reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook uncovered for 5 minutes. Drain well. Sprinkle with parsley, pepper, and serve with cheese on top.
 

I'd never eaten kohlrabi before so I read up on it beforehand. Everything I read implied that it was similar to a turnip and I agree that it was in texture but the flavor was so much sweeter. It reminded me of something else but I still can't put my finger on it (update: it's broccoli!). This dish would have probably benefited from larger ham pieces but for a quick substitution, the sandwich slices worked. The little one picked out all the ham so next time I make this, I need to use larger chunks.

The dumplings were surprisingly light and flavorful; I think this was due to using whole wheat flour and the bit of nutmeg. I'm not a big fan of dumplings but I do love potatoes. Like, I loooove potatoes. My dream wedding cake was tiered mashed potatoes with florets made from cheese. For some reason everyone was against this idea. You know why? Because people hate dreamers! Where was I? Dumplings. Dumplings are basically balls of dough but these balls of dough had mashed potatoes and, I mean, I just explained my adoration of mashed potatoes. So I obviously loved these.

The biggest surprise was the celery because, c'mon! It's celery! Celery is never interesting and it's the poster child for negative calories. Can't you see it? Celery and lettuce, back to back, with the caption "We're a waste of space!" Literally. But this dish wasn't! I mean, yes, it was covered in cheese and bacon grease but still, bet you never thought celery could be this good!

So on a scale of, to quote my daughter "Yuck!" and "Lawd, just rip my stomach out right now cause ain't no way I'm ever eating this good again!" this meal was right in the middle. Right at "This meal was delicious!" which isn't a bad place to be. I'm looking at you, Liver Casserole!